There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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