He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
