Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
