So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
