I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
