p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
