i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
