I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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