dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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