after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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