One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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