I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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