You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
