oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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