My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
