If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
