i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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