I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
