i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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