I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
