Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
