Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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