I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
