you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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