Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
