I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
