is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
false alarm. still invincible.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
