You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
