i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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