its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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