he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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