What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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