one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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