my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
