Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
