Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
