You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
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karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.