i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
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Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
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I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"