I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
