It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
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She just used a chaser for red wine.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
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what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.