the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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