were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
