"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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