I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
