I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
