Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
