i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize