I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I love you. Go after that dick
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
