I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I look better un-naked...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
