We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
