Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
