Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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