I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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