The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
