I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
