maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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