Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
