My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just found puke in my bra..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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