I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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