no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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