Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
