So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
