I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
