too bad you live with your parents still
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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