The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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