so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ladies don't puke and tell
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
