i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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