READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
