so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
