Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
