Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
