ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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