I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
