i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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