if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
