your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
