And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
