If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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