youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
