For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
