at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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