dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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