Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
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she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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