I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
zippers are such a cool invention
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
