So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
