When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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