dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
